I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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