p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
