um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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