Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
