uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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