im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
