I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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