does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
