I cockslap morals
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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