So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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