i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
