in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
