One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
