you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
