i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
