Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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