But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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