So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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