At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
