Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
