I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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