I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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