I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
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