Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
