omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
