My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
