just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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