Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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