i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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