and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
