Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
