I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
