Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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