im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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