Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
