I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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