Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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