the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
