college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
