remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
