fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
