They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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