Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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