His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Randomize
