it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
