u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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