hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
