my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
