Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
