Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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