Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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