i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
