I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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