Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
