Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize