don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my shit smells like andre
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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