hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
