Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
