Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
