Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
