Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
