this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
