i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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