Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
