I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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